You have not cared about me for some time now. You randomly text me out of the blue on June 23rd. I didn't respond until the next day but needless to say I wanted to right away. We proceeded to talk (text) sporadically for the next few days and then stopped. My birthday of course was the 28th, and you had no reason to talk to me but I was sincerely hoping you would text me. We both know you didn't, but I wanted you to so very bad. You text me at 230ish on the 29th saying how you missed me. I responded almost right away to and didn't get a text back until the morning. Sure you easily could have been sleeping, but I responded within 5 minutes of you texting me, I don't think you were.
We talked about really superficial stuff, like starbucks.
Then I sent you an email, because I don't know how to express emotions any other way, telling you how I feel. I told you how I felt, the fact that I have always still been in love with you, and how I want a real shot at dating you. What we had wasn't a real shot, we were secretive and than you basically broke it off without any explanation to me. You never said why, you never said "this" happen, nothing. It was just magically over with and than not two or three weeks later you were "facebook official" with some other dude. I could name names but don't want to do that on a public blog. It doesn't matter to me that you were with someone else, it's the fact that I never got an explanation and you could just move on just like that. In hindsight it shouldn't surprise me, that is exactly what you did with the guy before me. In fact, actually thinking about it, you were probably talking to him/with him before it was ever even over with us. It is actually making sense now....
Fast forward a couple days to the actual 4th of July. I texted you to wish you a happy fourth, mainly just because I wanted an excuse to talk to you. You responded a while later saying how you really had nothing going on because you worked the next day.
I was at Alpine Valley this whole time and of course I heard the song I most closely associate with you, it was completely bittersweet, I wish you were there with me like we talked about a mere eight months prior. It was magical, but you texted me right as the song was ending, it was like you were there with me. :**(
Then when something awful happens to you at five in the morning who do you text? Me. I was actually awake because that was just after Boyd left the camp and we were all cleaning up. I feel awful for what happened to you. I seriously do and I wouldn't wish anything like that on my worst enemy, let alone the girl I love more than any person ever previously.
Fast forward two days and I am in your town having dinner with you. It was magical. It brought back so many memories it was unreal. I drove an extra 3 hours for the simple pleasure to get to see you. It was the most recent time I have seen you since, and probably the last ever. :****( But of course you started texting me after and even told me I could call you that night. However when I got home I hadn't talk to me parents for a while I talked to them until midnight or so and you were asleep by the time I tried to talk to you. :( Still haven't heard your voice since dinner, and probably never will again.
But still you kept me waiting and wishing. For the next week or so you me every morning or right after work. It made me think I still had an actual chance with you. You would say all kinds of sweet stuff about how you miss me and how dinner brought back so many memories, but it was all for nothing. I kept trying to talk to you but you didn't respond or would respond five hours later, meaning you had better things to do. I am honestly glad you had better things to do. I want you to find happiness. You are the most wonderful person I have ever met I and I truly want you to find happiness. However don't lead me along like you have been. Finally I realised I was just getting toyed with and I just said goodbye to you.
It has been the hardest thing I have ever done, but I need to learn to accept my life without you in it because, unless a miracle happens, you will never be in it again.
If I ever find someone half as amazing as you I hope to marry them and I hope you would come to my wedding. However I hope I cannot invite you to my wedding because you will be standing up there with me. :) I am always going to hope.
I guess in saying this I am going to forever be single or I will marry you. There is no one else for me.
